My alarm clock woke me up to O' Holy Night this morning and that's just crazy. It's too early for Christmas music. But then again, why not. All of the stores are decked out for the holidays, tempting me with pretty sparkly decorations. I am trying very hard to resist because God knows, I have more than enough Christmas decorations. But I am weak. So my best course of action is to stay out of the stores. Which will be difficult as I tend to visit Target at least once a week.
Despite my complaining about Christmas music, I do love it. In fact, I purchased two new Christmas CDs recently, for my ever-growing holiday music collection. Faith Hill's Joy to the World and Sheryl Crowe's Home for Christmas, which is only sold at Hallmark. I haven't listened to either of them yet. Generally, my personal rule is that I can't listen to holiday music until after Thanksgiving day. But I may go ahead and try them out early. Thanksgiving is late this year and I might need a jump start on finding some holiday spirit.
This will be the first Christmas with both Mom and Dad gone and I think it might hit hard. Last year, I didn't really miss Mom because things were so wacky with caring for Dad. I was so worried about him and about Joy and me and how we were coping with it all. Then Christmas Day itself was odd, getting together at Dad's house, which we haven't done in years. It was so wrong to be sitting at the dining room table having our meal while Dad was laying in my old bedroom, in a hospital bed. I really don't think he knew it was Christmas.
Given all of that, this year is bound to be strange. Oh, in addition, that fourth sister of ours isn't in the picture. I haven't spoken to her since Memorial Day weekend when she ditched Joy and I and left the entire job of getting Dad's house ready to sell alone for us. Though I also would not be surprised if she tried to connect with us for the holiday.
So. Holiday spirit.
I think it's up to me. I have to find a positive outlook. I have to want to be happy and enjoy the holidays. Make some plans, schedule some good times. Shopping doesn't have to be a chore, I can buddy up with someone, combine it with a good dinner somewhere. Wrap gifts while watching a holiday movie or listening to Christmas music. Wrap gifts with a friend or a sister. Anything is more enjoyable when you share it with someone.
And that someone likely won't be my husband. We'll shop together, but there's no way he'll wrap presents with me. And that's okay, because he's pretty terrible at it.
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